Existential Certainty
In the last two months, I noticed a tremendous shift in my sense of self. Greater confidence, authority, worth, desirability.
I started to really believe recognise that I was good, desirable, worthy. That there are things I see, understand, and do better than others - simply, purely, objectively.
And because I am better, therefore I should speak and act with authority. Reality needs people to embrace their goodness and power.
If you know you know better, then you should own it. Otherwise, your ability to serve becomes diminished by your self-doubt. The world needs good people who dare to be good.
You can only brighten and enlighten if you let your light shine.
You can only awaken and inspire if you let yourself ignite.
“Imposter syndrome is a psychological pattern of self-doubt where high-achieving individuals feel like frauds, believing their success is due to luck rather than competence. Despite, or even because of, their accomplishments, they fear being exposed as inadequate. It causes chronic anxiety, perfectionism, and overworking.
Key Characteristics of Imposter Syndrome
Persistent Self-Doubt: Inability to internalize success or believe one is truly capable.
Fear of Exposure: Constant anxiety that others will discover they are “fakes”.
Discounting Accomplishments: Attributing achievements to luck, timing, or help from others
Perfectionism & Overworking: Setting impossibly high standards and working harder to avoid being discovered as incompetent.
High Prevalence: It is not a clinical diagnosis but a common experience, affecting up to 70–80% of people, often in high-stress, high-achievement environments”
What I went through was the sudden dissolution of the psychic tensions that cause imposter syndrome. This ‘imposter syndrome’ is not isolated to high-achievers or a sense of incompetence, but can be extended to low self-worth, self-hatred, self-loathing.
Its the simple sense that I…
am…
WRONG!!!
Rebirth
This sense of wrong is reflected in the bodymind as psychic trauma and the tension-charge. It shows up in all aspects of our life because reality is one cohesive whole.
Your face looks wrong, your speech sounds wrong, your life just wrong. No money no bitches no honey no riches.
Over the years, I had chipped away at this trauma through my spiritual work. The dissolution then seemed to accelerate when I discovered the idea of our body tension ‘holding’ trauma and started releasing the tension. The process continued as I began exploring Bazi, karmic virtue and many new ideas. Together, my sense of self and possibility was rebuilt and reborn.
Every ending is a new beginning.
As the old self dies, a new Self arises.
The old transforms into the new.
The reason for the apparent shift is not because I ‘suddenly’ made a lot of progress. It appeared sudden because the changes finally entered a phase-transition point. The old self melted, then evaporated, leaving the spirit free and unbound.
Previously, I had acquired a lot of spiritual-metaphysical insights, but they hadn’t yet crystallised.
Previously, I had a lot of trauma patterns that I had loosened and chipped away, but the basic ego-structures barely held on.
Then
The old collapsed to a new Self reborn.
Just because you see nothing happening, doesn’t mean nothing is happening.
Maybe your eye paste stamp.
As I was reborn, I realised I had gained an immense source of power.
Existential Certainty
It is the sense that I exist.
For certain.
I Am.
My existence is not dependent on status, the body, or money.
Whether I am rich or poor, famous or unknown, whether my body is dying or brimming with life,
I Am.
I Am, I Am, I Am.
So if I Am, then nothing can threaten me. I exist regardless.
I am authoritative, powerful, worthy simply because I Am.
Sexual fantasies
I started coming (XD XD ECKS DEE) upon this idea when I was exploring the evolution of my sexual fantasies with chatgpt.
Chatgpt mentioned that as I continued to integrate my authority, my fantasies would shift towards becoming simpler and non-coercive.
This integration would be most immediate and explicit in sexual fantasies due to how intimately sex is connected to our sense of self, life-force, and libido. The reproductive drive is second only to survival. Thus, changes in existential certainty (our confidence in survival) immediately show up in sexual fantasy.
So let’s digress and discuss authority.
Authority
I initially registered my newfound existential certainty as increased authority. It was the term I used before I realised ‘certainty’ was a deeper and fuller description.
I noticed that the way in which I expressed myself had started to become more authoritative - more direct, less words, less self-explanation, hedging, just to be clear, just my opinion, i could be wrong, based on my experience.
I had become more confident of my opinions and my statements had become more assertive.
This is how it works.
It works like this.
Do this.
And I realised that there were many people who spoke with authority but were full of shit.
Goddamn Americans (and Indians?) are the worst at this.
(Many) Americans abuse their freedom of speech to speak very boldly and confidently on anything and everything. Having grown up in a culture where people who speak authoritatively tend to do so due to experience or expertise, I’ve had to learn to be very careful of what to believe when Americans are talking LOL. 90% of AI hallucinations are due to being trained on American speech. You see? I learned to make up statistics from them.
Anyway, I realised that there are many people who are actually very smart, perceptive, and insightful, but are hesitant about expressing themselves due to self-doubt (and culture).
And there are many who hide behind and depend on social proofs to claim authority. Education, experience, degrees, I have an Md, Phd, degree on this, as someone with many years of experience, as a person with an inflated title/ credential, I have authority to speak. Even when they are wrong or clueless, they seem to believe that might makes right, that their claimed authority makes it true. The craziest thing is that even when they don’t have the claimed authority, they think that claiming they have it means they have it.
The brittleness of their authority becomes evident when questioned. They start to use rhetorical bluster implying that if you disagree, you are stupid, an idiot, imbecilic. They start to shout, scream, ridicule, condescend, get heated, attempt to demonstrate strength through attack and intensity - using harshness, rudeness, vulgarity to intimidate and overwhelm.
My unconventional background meant that I didn’t have nor did I rely on any of the usual social proofs for authority.
In my early years, I passed a GEP test that indicated I was likely in the top 1 percentile in IQ. I was put into an academic environment where my peers were equally as smart, and the curriculum was made to challenge us. Thus, I gained an inner confidence that I was highly intelligent - but I understood that the world was much bigger - that there were things I didn’t know and others smarter than me.
Since I never really enjoyed studying, I put in the bare minimum effort I could muster in high school, but refused to go to university. I was thus in a state where I had existential confidence that I was intelligent, without the normal social proofs (degree, scholarship) to demonstrate it.
I had to develop my authority on my own - first by deconstructing society’s definition of it, then replacing it with my own.
The earliest deconstruction came from my experience of my father growing up. The father is usually the earliest authority figure. He struggled with anger issues, likely exacerbated by the Asian Financial Crisis, which he then took out on me when I ‘misbehaved’. I thus developed a strong skepticism of ‘the authority figure’ very early on. I learned that external authority could often be harsh, unfair, and completely wrong.
Over the years, I questioned conventional authority on my terms. As my knowledge, insight, and life-experience accumulated, I began to recognise when conventional authority (experts, professionals, the government) failed. I could predict, explain, and understand their failures.
I saw better than experts in their own domains.
Not everything, all the time, but consistently enough to make me comfortable challenging them.
My own ideas began to take shape, to make sense, to be right more than wrong. They manifested in football, gaming, the stock market, etc.
Gradually, I developed greater and greater existential authority - the sense that I am right because I am right.
This process accelerated when I started reconnecting back to the world. Posting more, commenting, blogging, applying my ideas in reality. Previously, I had mostly discussed ideas in my comfort zone with my private group of friends. As more people acknowledged the value in what I expressed, as I saw Reality conform to my understanding, I gained the sense that my perception, my insight, my grasp on Reality was accurate and authoritative.
I’ll wrap back to this later. Back to sex-
-ual fantasies
Evolution of Sexual Fantasies
Chatgpt explained that sexual fantasies are primarily meant to
1. mobilise the nervous system and enable arousal, and
2. regulate the nervous system - to release tension, destress, manage frustrations, anxieties, insecurities, etc.
Depending on the individual’s needs and psychological profile, fantasies change in intensity, narrative, complexity, novelty, stimulus, realism, etc.
Realism
For instance, a fantasy involving a familiar real-life friend or acquaintance may feel more realistic and attainable than one involving a far away, foreign, unrealistic object (eg a hollywood celebrity). A sexual fantasy that involves a real-life object-partner may feel more narratively coherent and plausible. It feels within the realm of plausibility, thus the nervous system can mobilise and enable arousal.
However, ‘too realistic’ can activate ego-defenses (guilt, shame) and feel too threatening, in which case psychological distance is preferable.
A fantasy-object that is too attractive or high-status may feel unattainable. In this case, themes of prostitution, sexual favors, uglier partners, etc may be more arousing. A person that wishes to use taboo or extreme themes may on the other hand prefer unrealistic fantasy-partners to provide distance for a safe experimental buffer.
Amateur porn is often preferable as it communicates realistic nervous signaling.
Psychological needs
Different personalities have different desires - dominance, submission, novelty, safety, stability, excitement, etc.
People also use fantasies to manage psychological tensions. An executive with a high-pressure role may prefer passive submission. A person who feels small and powerless may desire fantasies where they exert power and dominance.
Narrative
Mental narratives are often necessary for the psyche to situate itself into fantasy.
That’s why professional porn has storylines. For amateur porn, its realism is its own narrative.
A husband doesn’t require a complex narrative to fantasize about his wife. He can easily bring to mind the relevant image, stimulus, scenario.
A student-teacher fantasy requires more logistics - timing, circumstance, mutual reciprocity. The narrative needs to convince the psyche to ‘believe’ in it in order to inhabit it.
If a person is feels poor, ugly, undesirable, it becomes much harder for him to inhabit a fantasy where an attractive partner voluntarily desires him. Thus, he needs a mental narrative that can compensate for the psychic shortfall.
So for instance, the compensation is often in the form of various degrees of coercion such as rape, blackmail, bribery or transaction. And the fantasy would also need to construct the setting, circumstance, logistics of the scenario. How does this blackmail fantasy unfold, etc.
The more complex, unrealistic, and extreme the fantasy is, the greater the required narrative load. Porn greatly facilitates arousal by providing the narrative and sensual material for the imagination to work with.
In the midst of some fantasies, I would have sudden thought intrusions like “what if she gets pregnant”, or “what happens after this". The ‘realistic’ simulations the psyche creates to sustain arousal can also throw up ‘realistic’ objections that need to be managed.
This is similar to when we play out arguments in our head or fantasize about outcomes. What is realistic, plausible, necessary in our mental narrative greatly depends on our sense of self. A happy and self-assured person often doesn’t even have mental arguments in their head - they would rather fantasize about happier stuff.
A self that feels powerful, attractive, desirable will find it much easier to fantasize about attractive, high-status partners.
Intensity
Tension-trauma places the bodymind in a state of defensive contraction. This makes the body less sensitive, less energetic, more tense and more tired. The psyche is split, scattered, fractured and fragmented by anxieties, insecurities, frustrations. The qi cannot flow, the mind cannot focus, energy and arousal cannot be circulated and condensed for sexual activity.
In Chinese metaphysical terms, the Qi (energy) is blocked and the Shen (focus) is scattered.
For arousal to develop, the environment must be perceived to be safe enough. The organism needs to be relaxed and sensitive enough to experience pleasure and desire.
At the same time, it needs sufficient focus to concentrate enough energy/ arousal for activity. Insufficient energy = impotence.
So the more traumatised the bodymind, the more intense the fantasy needs to be. If the person is in freeze, intensity in the form of extreme taboo, humiliation, torture, etc are required to stimulate enough sympathetic charge for activity and focus the fragmented psyche to maintain arousal.
The greater the traumatisation, the lower the self-esteem. Thus, the other party needs to be sufficiently ‘degraded’ for the traumatised self to feel sexually potent.
![[4k, 60fps, colorized] (1918) WWI veterans: shell shock sequels, war neurosis (II).](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!O4Xm!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F62ef634b-ab4a-4008-a066-ca8cc80f36f4_640x480.jpeg "[4k, 60fps, colorized] (1918) WWI veterans: shell shock sequels, war neurosis (II).")
On top of that, the hedonic treadmill adaptation means that intensity needs to be gradually and constantly ramped up in order to provide effective stimulus.
Novelty and excitement
Arousal requires novelty, change, curiosity. If things are stale, same, repetitive, arousal diminishes as there is no dopaminergic drive to explore. This applies to both males and females and different personality types. Even healthy functional couples that stagnate eventually get bored of each other.
Fire and Water prefer change and novelty, Earth and Metal prefer stability. Wood prefers growth, which requires a balance of both. In general, females have a greater weightage for safety and stability whilst males are more stimulus and novelty-driven.
Regardless, sustained arousal requires continued novelty. In healthy, long-term relationships, this is achieved by both parties continually growing and evolving.
Evolution of Fantasy
Fantasy is a basic and general mechanism the psyche uses to regulate and protect itself. People fantasize, idealise, project, demonise people, money, fame, status, achievements, relationships, etc.
Sexual fantasy just happens to be the most direct and explicit form of fantasy due to (1) the primal nature of the reproductive drive and (2) the clear recognition that it is a mental projection and not reality.
(In contrast, people often do treat fantasies about status markers, wealth, politicians, etc as reality. Personality love-hate cults, materialism, and status ‘symbols’ are examples of collective hallucinations where the psyche projects a fantasy it takes for reality.)
The above video illustrates dissociation and the inability to differentiate fantasy from reality.. War becomes a game, human lives a means to an end, the sanctity of life a trivial unreality.
Because sexual fantasy is recognised as purely a method of self-regulation, changes in one’s sense of self quickly updates the type of fantasies one prefers. Once something no longer arouses, the psyche simply drops it for something else. This is unlike ego-values or ego-ideals, which tend to assume a ‘reality’ that makes them stickier and harder to dislodge.
Sexual Archetypes
In Zi Wei Dou Shu, there are 14 main stars which represent 14 distinct profiles. I’ll describe a few with the clearest archetypes (that map to sexuality).
Zi Wei (The Emperor): Authoritative, dignified, and ambitious, but can be prone to arrogance or feeling lonely at the top.
dominance, authority, hierarchy Qi Sha (The Seven Killings): Intense, brave, and independent; they thrive in high-pressure environments.
extreme intensity and dominance like conquering, rape, rough sex Po Jun (The Army Breaker): Innovative and destructive; they prefer to tear down old structures to build something new.
taboo or boundary-crossing themes where norms/ conventions are transgressed Tan Lang (The Flirting/Wolf Star): Sociable, multi-talented, and driven by desire; they are the most versatile but can be hedonistic.
Novelty, exploration, curiosity. Playful, light-hearted, visually exciting Lian Zhen (The Upright Star): Complex and emotionally volatile; they can be highly disciplined or rebellious depending on their environment.
themes of entrapment, affairs, cheating Tai Yin (The Moon): Sensitive, artistic, and patient; they value internal peace and maternal-style care.
vanilla themes of purity, beauty, artistry
My profile
My main stars are Zi Wei and Tan Lang, and they also map closely to my Bazi.
Tan Lang (The Greedy Wolf) is the star of desire, exploration, charisma, which is mirrored by my Si-Wu-Wei Triple Fire configuration. As the Fire is all in my Earthly branch, the Tan Lang energy is concentrated internally - especially fantasy. In reality, I avoid exciting, party-like atmospheres. Fire is the element of excitement, connection, activity.
(if you observe the faces of pornstars and many celebrities, many of them have Fire-elements in their faces - that makes them look hot, stimulating, exciting. They likely have Fire in their Heavenly Stems.)
Zi Wei (The Emperor) is the star of sovereignty, authority, and dignity. It is classified as Yin-Earth which is what my Daymaster is. My Xin and Geng Metal Stems further reflect the authority of Zi Wei.
Thus, my fantasy profile revolves around Zi Wei and Tan Lang (authority + novelty).
Notice that many of the more extreme and intense themes align with other stars. Intense physical coercion aligns with Qi Sha whilst emotionally complex themes align with Lian Zhen.
What happens when a person prefers ‘dominance’, but doesn’t feel powerful or desirable? Then their psyche needs to compensate with complex fantasy narratives.
Evolution of fantasy
(Keep in mind…this post…is not about sex. Its about archetypes, sense of self, and how fantasies reflect changes within.)
Early 20s
In my early 20s, fantasy themes involved Tan Lang themes of novelty - roleplay, exaggerated body features, and Zi Wei themes of being the dominant center of attention. Group sex, orgies, gangbangs never appealed to me - I only wanted to be the only center of attention. I also didn’t enjoy submissive themes and in fantasies where I start off from a lower-hierarchy (student, subordinate), the narrative would turn into an inversion of status.
But because my psyche was fragmented and I had no social status, I had difficulty fantasizing about being in a dominant, authoritative, center-of-attention position. My psyche just couldn’t imagine being naturally desirable. Thus, it needed to inject force, intensity and coercion in the narrative - I needed to physically coerce them (in my fantasy) to be dominant.
My hypervigilant trauma meant that my mind would create and think of problems and obstacles - eg, if I had sex in the classroom, how would I ensure privacy and not being caught? What would be the logistics - how would the opportunity and circumstance even come about, what would be the aftermath and consequences, etc.
Thus, I would often have to create complicated narrative loops to create enough psychic coherence (eg, the coercion-fantasy would be in a foreign country, so I would be able to run away afterwards).
Certain fantasies felt more plausible and coherent - like being seduced by an older women, having sex with a prostitute, overseas etc. These scenarios felt more aligned with my inner sense of self and possibility.
Late 20s
As I released more and more trauma, I gained a stronger, more coherent sense of self. More self-worth, confidence, security.
My fantasies became less coercive. Instead of physical coercion, they shifted towards lesser forms like blackmail or sex as a form of payment/ bribery/ transaction. I still couldn’t imagine being fully desirable existentially, but I could imagine being sufficiently desirable that physical coercion was unnecessary.
In fact, physical coercion began to feel like weakness and impotence - like I was so undesirable that I needed to use brute force to dominate.
Power shifted from brute strength to status, resources, authority.
Non-coercive themes like being seduced, hook-ups, or transactional sex felt psychologically flat. They were safe and plausible, but lacked a sense of dominant potency.
Blackmail was my ‘favourite’ genre. It felt plausible, narratively cohesive, and logistically convenient. It gave a sense of dominance since I was exerting power over another’s will, but also suggested some level of desirability.
My psyche still had interest in novelty - different women, body types, genres. It wasn’t yet coherent enough to generate deep, consistent, self-sustained arousal, so I continued to rely on novel stimulus to overcome hedonic adaptation.
Last 9 months
As I started releasing neck tension, writing this blog, and re-engaging the world, I began to rapidly realise existential certainty.
My sexual fantasies underwent a deep transformation.
Coercion suddenly felt hollow and empty.
The ultimate form of dominance and desirability is existential. Desirable and dominant simply because.
Not because of social status, labels, material possessions, physical looks, etc. Those are all impermanent, temporary, subject to loss, dependent on the world/ others/ not-Self.
The ultimate sense of existential certainty is
I Am that I Am
我就是我
When power, authority, and desirability become existential, fantasies greatly simplify. The need for complex narrative collapses.
Less attractive women stopped feeling more arousing or realistic.
Previously, there was the sense that less-attractive women would be more attainable. My psyche could construct simpler, more embodied, real-life-like fantasies around them. Whereas for more attractive women, I needed more complex, dissociated, unrealistic narratives to inhabit.
I deleted a lot of my porn collection because they now felt empty and hollow. To my reborn psyche, much of it now seemed noisy, artificial, fragile, complicated, unappetising.
Power had shifted from force, to status, to being.
By releasing my tension-trauma, I gained greater bodymind coherence.
By exploring my astrology and psychology, I gained greater understanding of my self.
By writing this blog and reconnecting with the world, I gained recognition, validation and existential certainty.
I started to feel existentially dominant, desirable, potent. In that state, coercion became meaningless. How do you rob what is already yours?
While earlier fantasies required coercion to feel realistic, now coercion seemed unrealistic. It just seems unlikely that they would not voluntarily yield if I so desired.
Together, my fantasies became simpler, clearer, and more satisfying.
Force < Status < Being
We see this dynamic play out on all levels.
The lowest, grossest, most materialistic people, groups, systems resort to physical force, violence, destruction. Rape, murder, war, physical violence, brute strength, manual labor are all physical means to shift Reality.
In more mature systems, reality is mediated through the symbolic intellect. Status, resource, capital becomes the means of order and negotiation. Conflicts are resolved with words, logic, evidence. Reality operates through the mind, ideation, calculation.
As the highest level, Reality is simply Being, existence, as it is. Spirituality, metaphysics, direct perception realises Reality itself. Conflict is merely misalignment, different perspectives, duality and differentiation.
Reality simply Is.
First you fight for it, then you negotiate with it, then it comes to you.
無為 (Wuwei)
The young punks are the ones brawling, the adults are the ones arguing, and the wise ones don’t bother.
This scales up to groups, organisations, countries, civilisations.
“Switzerland is consistently ranked among the top nations for quality of life, offering exceptionally high salaries, safety, and a top-tier healthcare system. While frequently ranked number one by measures like the Human Development Index, it is also defined by a very high cost of living, complex housing markets, and strict bureaucracy.
Switzerland fared significantly better than its war-torn neighbors, emerging from World War II as one of the few European nations with its infrastructure and industry entirely intact.”
At the highest levels of everything - football, markets, business, relationships, geopolitics, boxing, sex…
無為 (Wuwei), non-doing, non-acting, non-fighting - effortless action reigns supreme.
Naturally, the evolution of my sexual fantasies is mirrored across every domain in my life - football, social dynamics, general life, etc.
After all, its I who has changed.
In football, I move and run less, so I waste less strength and energy, so when I do act in key moments, my play is effective and decisive.
In social interactions, I no longer waste energy appeasing, appealing, defending - I just say and do whatever I want, which in turn makes people respect and listen to me.
In life, I just do whatever I want, ignoring expectations, conventions, responsibilities, obligations. So life arranges itself around me, instead of me making arrangements.
The less I defend, the safer I am; the less I do, the more I achieve; the less I move, the more I advance,
The less I try, the more I am, when nothing is done, nothing is left undone.
Existential Uncertainty
Trauma, tension, ego-defenses are primarily the attempts to defend against existential uncertainty.
What is existential uncertainty?
The sense that I might not exist, might die, might vanish, disappear, be worthless, meaningless, empty, hollow, nothing.
One only comprehends their existential certainty when they come in touch with it.
And what is that?
Existence itself.
Since Existence is all there is, its certainty is self-evident. Yet, we decide to play the Great Game of hide and seek, of pretense, self-deception, self-denial. Somehow, consciousness convinces itself that it is a material body-existence that can lose its existence if the body dies.
You have never experienced yourself as dead, non-existence, non-existent - so why would you believe you could not-exist?
When an actor dies on the screen, does she die for good?
From this sense of existential uncertainty comes tension, insecurity, fear, helplessness, despair. The bodymind tries to defend itself against the nothingness by tensing, projecting, chronically doing - the desperate idea that if I am ‘something’, if I am ‘doing’, then I cannot be nothing.
We seek to escape into noise, chaos, activity, yang, growth, more, relentless light, unending possession, never ending struggle, a fight to the death
Fighting shadows, fighting nothing, fighting yourself
The tension-charge
What is depression but the weight of your own psyche?
What is paranoia but the fear of your shadows?
Our trauma glues into our being, muscles locked in chronic struggle, the weight deforming our frame
Tension-trauma mirrors our defenses against existential uncertainty.
As we confront our shadow, our light emerges radiant and resplendent.
I discuss how to release our body-tension in detail below;
The US-Israeli-Iran War
In a previous post, I mentioned that 2026 is the Bing-Wu Year
“This 丙午 year should be especially illuminating regarding the predictive power of the Bazi theory as it posits a very extreme and obvious energetic pattern to the year. One of extreme ‘heat’, movement, volatility and transformation.”
“Given that 丙午 is the extreme of Yang, one would expect extremes in; movement, intensity, volatility, visibility, heat, explosiveness, action, light, excitement.
The world and the financial markets will be exceptionally volatile this year. Many things and events will go viral in an instant, then fade away as the spotlight jumps to the next and the next. In the blink of an eye, some will gain fame and fortune whilst others crumble into ashes. The beautiful and the ugly, the righteous and the evil, will all be exposed and lighted up as the forge of 丙午 purifies gold from lead. A year of excitement and activity awaits as the world stirs into a frenzy.
We should see USA being exceptionally ‘eye-catching’ this year; its capture of the Venezuelan dictator Maduro is but a sign of things to come. USA is a Yang-Fire Fire-dominant country, and this year’s 丙午 is akin to the Heavens raining gasoline all over. I previously described it as Yang-Fire in its behavior, but Deepseek’s own analysis is that;
USA is a Yang-Earth Daymaster; but certainly one with Yang-Fire in its Heavenly Stem and Earth Branch.
I note that the USA also has a similar 子午冲 to my 巳亥冲 where both our inner-desire for harmony and stability (Water in Day Pillar Earth Branch) finds itself in conflict with the energetic drive towards excitement and action (Fire in the Month pillar Earth Branch). The energy of 丙午 will supercharge our Fire and significantly test our capacity to maintain our inner harmony.
Accidents and weather events should be more volatile, with strong associations to ‘overheating’ (fires, power outages, heat waves) and sudden violent movements (earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunamis, etc). As opposed to say floods, prolonged cold weather, disease, machinery malfunction, etc.
By itself, 丙午 already brings a tremendous surge of energy-activity. Therefore, the key is not to take ‘more’ action, but the right one.”
Based on Bazi, I speculated that there would be fiery, transformative events. Back then, I posited AI and the Epstein files as two of the transformative fires. That was before the US-Israeli-Iran war burst into the spotlight.
As I watched the rockets and missiles and fires and explosions across my feed, it struck me how miraculously on theme it was.
It is no coincidence that the war erupted as I was writing this post as there are many parallel themes running through.
The US-Israeli Shadow
The Epstein regime launched a sneak attack on Iran in the middle of negotiations. Trump justified this as a pre-emptive strike based on the feeling that the Iranians were ‘going to attack first’.
In the first day of war, the Epstein regime struck;
The compound of Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei, resulting in reports of his death and that of other senior officials.
Including the death of his 14 month-old granddaughter Zahra Mohammadi Golpayegani
And “On February 28, 2026, a devastating missile strike hit the Shajareh Tayyebeh girls’ elementary school in Minab, southern Iran, during the first day of “Operation Epic Fury”.
Casualties: Iranian authorities and international media report that between 153 and 180 people were killed, the majority of whom were girls aged 7 to 12.
Responsibility: While U.S. President Donald Trump initially blamed Iran for the “inaccurate” strike, investigations by The New York Times, Bellingcat, and the BBC indicate a U.S. Tomahawk missile likely caused the destruction.”
Trump blamed the Iranians whilst Hesgeth, looking incredibly guilty, insisted that the only side that targets civilians is Iran.
“In Jungian psychology, the shadow refers to the hidden, unconscious parts of your personality that your conscious mind (the ego) refuses to acknowledge.
Key Characteristics of the Shadow
The “Other Person” in You: Carl Jung famously defined the shadow as “the thing a person has no wish to be”. It is the part of you that holds traits you find unacceptable, shameful, or contrary to your self-image.
Projection: One of the most common ways to see your shadow is through others. If you find yourself intensely triggered or “hating” a specific trait in someone else, Jung argued you are likely projecting your own repressed version of that trait onto them.
Jung believed the path to psychological wholeness, or individuation, requires confronting and integrating the shadow rather than trying to “fix” or eliminate it.
Integrating the shadow releases “trapped” energy, increases self-awareness, reduces judgmental behavior toward others, and unlocks hidden creative potential.”
You condemn your own sins, project your own flaws, and refuse your reflection.
Very visibly, the Epstein regime projected their shadow onto Iran. “Iran is going to attack - therefore, we are going to attack first”. That is the public excuse. In truth, the Epstein regime probably thought that they could secure a quick victory by eliminating the leaders of Iran, the same way they had done in Venezuela.
And when they killed 170+ Iranian schoolgirls, they refused to acknowledge it, for doing so would mean facing and confronting their own shadow. Instead, they blamed it on Iran.
Trump turning
I previously stated that,
“Trump is an extremely polarising and controversial figure. Whilst I am not a fervent admirer of his, he does appear to have a brave and righteous personality. I see several similarities between Trump and myself, especially in the past, in that Trump has a (flawed but) righteous core, but not the wisdom and virtue to properly express it.
The assassination attempt of Trump not only all but guaranteed his election, but also demonstrated that he is protected by God. There were clearly energetic forces at work to end Trump’s life, yet God wanted him to live - and this is made clear by how close the bullet landed, scuffing Trump’s ear. The fact that the bullet hit Trump’s ear put to rest all possible suggestions that this could be a staged attempt and declared that God wanted to demonstrate His protection of him.”
I don’t think this assessment is necessarily wrong. People can change - for better or worse, and Trump went off the deep end. Trump has personal courage, but even in his first term, showed plenty of flaws such as his narcissism and lack of wisdom.
In retrospect, the ‘success’ of the Venezuelan operation where the Epstein regime kidnapped Maduro and appropriated Venezuela’s oil and gold turned out to be a curse in disguise. It inflamed Trump’s ego, ambition and audacity. He mistook bravado for competence, and thought he could huff the same fix to score the same high.
Trump fell to the excesses of Fire in Bing-Wu. Fire can be warm, charismatic, brilliant, but it can also be impulsive, hot-headed, destructive. The simplest read is that Trump lacks wisdom and maturity, and in his second term, desperate to create a legacy for himself, he overheated and burned out his morality and restraint.
People can repent; they can also fall from grace.
As for God’s protection…destiny has never been set in stone. Perhaps one path was for Trump to directly lead the charge against the Epstein regime. Since Trump turned his back on God, his hubris will be used to destroy the Epstein regime instead.
Trump pre-emptively murdered the Ayatollah and his family through an insidious sneak attack. By doing so, he has placed a karmic bounty on his own family members that may very well meet a similar fate due to the sins of their father. If Trump, or members of his family are murdered through assassinations or ‘accidents’ (that the Epstein regime is capable of inflicting)…the response of the world will simply be…自作自受 (self do self suffer), you reap what you sow.
The Epstein regime understood Trump’s core weakness. In Bazi terms, Trump has heavy Fire. His narcissism meant that he craved the spotlight and applause. His boldness meant that he was prone to aggressive and impulsive action. They baited him and he fell for it and in the hole, his ego refuses to let him repent and stop digging further. My prediction is that he will escalate and keep throwing American blood into the fire until he burns into ash.
The Magnifying Sun
Bing-Wu can be symbolised by the blazing Sun at noon. Bing (丙) is the Sun, and Wu (午) is Noon. Together, they represent the Sun at its peak strength and brightness.
Under the glare of 丙午, the collective shadow of the world will be exposed, revealed, eliminated.
I see the war as a likely karmic restaging of previous ancient conflicts like the Roman-Persian Wars and the Crusades. The populations of USA, Israel and Iran (as well as the Gulf states) are made up of the descendants of Europe, Middle East and Central Asia. Arabs, Jews, Muslims, Christians, Caucasians, Persians, Aryans see their karmic shadow illuminated by the cosmic Sun.
And it will only be allowed to end when the collective shadow, especially that of the Epstein Regime, is exposed and destroyed. This means, no quick war, no near-term ceasefire, until the American and Israeli people wake. the. fuck. up.
(As for Iran, I have not paid much attention to their shadow. Perhaps the Epstein regime has already confronted it the very first day)
(I started to write this post at the start of the conflict which explains some of the wording)
The Relative Death
The immediate thing that struck me as to why this conflict would go very badly for the Epstein regime was when I heard about the sneak murder of the Ayatollah.
The West, and especially the Epstein regime, are fundamentally a materialistic civilisation. They are extreme Yang, focused on the short-term, visible, material, active, temporary. They are scared to death about death, deathly afraid of meeting their shadow, because a materialistic civilisation is full of existential uncertainty.
To the Epstein regime, death is the ultimate scarecrow.
Nothing scares them more than death because to them, it means non-existence. Game over. The End.
And even if they believed in an afterlife, hell is not something to look forward to.
They assume what scares them the most is also what scares everyone else the most.
Death.
However…
“In Iran, martyrdom (Persian: shahadat) is a foundational religious and political concept deeply rooted in Shia Islam. It is not merely seen as death, but as a “form of clarification” and a spiritual victory over injustice”
Reports indicate that Khamenei remained in his well-known compound in Tehran despite receiving intelligence of an imminent missile strike. His refusal to take cover in a bunker is interpreted by many as a calculated move to embrace a “dignified death” rather than surviving in hiding.
Final Address: In a speech on 16 February 2026, he invoked the Battle of Karbala, quoting Imam Husayn’s refusal to pledge allegiance to a tyrant: “No one like me will pledge allegiance to someone like Yazid.”
Rhetoric on Aging: He frequently spoke of his age (86) and physical fragility, stating, “I am old; my body has no value anymore... even if I am killed, Iran will not be harmed.”
Moral Stand: He expressed that a leader’s credibility is rooted in their readiness to embrace martyrdom, viewing his death as a way to “infuse new life” into the Iranian nation and its younger generation.”
What if Death is an aspiration and not a deterrence?
Newsflash buddy; people who embrace martyrdom are not going to be discouraged by the ‘threat’ of dying.
I can tell why the Epstein Regime made the mistake of martyring a dying 86-year old cancer patient (who had become increasingly unpopular). In their materialistic worldview, they thought that inflicting death was the best path to victory. Materialist brutes only understand physical violence and have no greater capacity for strategy, let alone wisdom.
Their assassination had the entirely opposite effect. The Ayatollah’s death unified and galvanised the previously unpopular Iranian regime.
The fires of martyrdom inflamed the passions of the Iranian people.
The Banality of Life
Ironically, those who fear death the most are the ones most unable to appreciate life.
When one is existentially uncertain, the material world, including their body-existence takes on absolute importance. Because their focus is then on their own material-body, they callus themselves to the aliveness of Existence. They dissociate and separate, denying and damning themselves. Their words, actions, behavior takes on a dark dehumanising depravity because they no longer have love and light.
???
Hegseth is just a fucking idiot, speaking about death and war in a way only a tragically shallow and materialistic person can.
See how easily flustered he gets at a simple question. Lil bro on the verge of a panic attack. He tries to project intensity and aggression to mask his fear, but the loud, insistent panic only betrays it. The materialist scares the easiest because the root of all fear is that of death and non-existence.
In contrast…
A person that is confident and fearless doesn’t need to look tough. Their calm composure is what signals their certainty.
We see this in the animal kingdom.
And we can look at their faces. One radiates light and peace, the other looks tense and uncertain.
Superficially, Hegseth as the Secretary of War for the big powerful US military should be more confident compared to Araghchi, the foreign minister of a much smaller and poorer nation.
But existential certainty is not about material might or power.
It is the certainty that one exists - and thus, there is nothing to fear.
Nervous system and body language
We can map one’s existential certainty to our trauma levels as they are closely related.
Many people hover in the yellow zone. The happy people spend their time in the green zone and the unhappy people in the red.
When one has low existential certainty (low self-worth, pleasure, security, power, authority), they usually suffer from severe trauma. This is the sense that ‘I am helpless, worthless, I don’t exist’
In the yellow zone, there is a sufficient sense of ‘I exist, I can do something about my situation, I can fight or run to stay alive’.
Under threat, one’s certainty is destabilised. Their sense of 'I exist, I mean something, I am worth something’ is shaken and their sympathetic fight-or-flight defenses comes online.
This is what is happening to Hegseth when his voice starts becoming sharp, loud, and brittle, and his face starts to snarl and bristle.
His brows are permanently furrowed, his voice ratty, squeaky, pitchy, his cadence agitated, hurried, anxious. His speech is jammed with bluff words like ‘generals, admirals, commanders, centcom, deliberately, objectives, plans, outcomes, accomplished, lay out, mission, war fighters, very very clear, executing, violently’.
In contrast, Aragchi speaks smooth and chill. He uses simple, direct, words in compressed sentences, because this is how people with certainty speak.
What is happening in the nervous system is that when a threat is perceived, the body pumps in sympathetic arousal as a survival response. The body is charged with energy in order to fight or flee, but if there is no outlet for the energy to discharge, then it leaks out in the form of loud restlessness, fidgeting, and a flood of micro-tensions and behaviors.
If the sympathetic system is chronically activated due to trauma/ existential uncertainty/ threat, the bodymind shuts down into freeze - depression, dissociation, collapse.
Most people hover in the yellow zone, holding some level of chronic tension and activation. Only in their safe, comfortable environment at home, on vacation, with friends, free to let go, do-nothing, and relax, do they enter the green.
Only those with existential certainty stay in the parasympathetic green zone.
Even very conventionally successful people may not be there, although they are more likely to. Many rich and materialistic people are not.
The Yin and Yang Path
Existential certainty is the sense that I am Good, I am Worthy, I Exist.
The Yin path is the path of spirit, self-cultivation, mastery of Self.
The Yang path is the path of matter, external achievement, mastery of the World.
Since the inside and outside, the Self and the World, are two sides of the same coin, both paths lead to the same place.
Two groups of people are most likely to exhibit high levels of existential certainty.
Highly self-realised people and people with sustained worldly success.
Those on the spiritual path will have a very deep understanding of metaphysics and the nature of reality. They might not have great mastery of the world, but their metaphysical insight makes them sufficiently competent. Their certainty comes from inner experience and understanding.
Those on the worldly path acquire profound knowledge of how the material world operates. Their worldly study and experience enables them to acquire and retain wealth and status. Eventually, they realise the principles for world-mastery also apply to themselves. Their certainty primarily comes from external achievements and authority.
Note that this only applies to those with sustained success. Many can peak temporarily through circumstance, but only principle enables permanence.
The Yin path masters the world by transcending it.
“Notable Miracles and Experiences
The Healing of a Leper: A man suffering from leprosy in a pitiable condition was reportedly healed after encountering the Maharshi.
Restoration of Sight: A blind man once prayed in the Maharshi’s hall for his vision. Although the Maharshi remained silent, doctors who were present felt a sudden urge to treat the man, eventually restoring his eyesight.
The Light at His Passing: At the exact moment of his death in 1950, a bright, star-like meteor was seen by many across India, moving toward the peak of the sacred Arunachala hill.
Silent Transformation: His most cited “miracle” was his ability to silence the minds of those in his presence. Many seekers found their lifelong questions resolved without a single word being spoken.
Interaction with Animals: He had a deep, almost telepathic bond with animals. Tigers, snakes, and monkeys were known to approach him peacefully, and he famously “liberated” a cow named Lakshmi, who was treated as a devotee.
Materializing Necessities: On one occasion, when the Ashram lacked sugar for a meal, two strangers unexpectedly arrived in the middle of the night with a packet of sugar candy.”
The Yang path transcends the world by mastering it.
Sexual attractiveness
Since Morgan mentioned it, let me digress to explore the link between sexual attractiveness and existential certainty.
I previously speculated here that
“In those conditions, there were significant pressures to marry and start a family early. What is early? Since everyone’s lifespan was compressed, the same would naturally apply to marriage and child-bearing. One’s prime child-rearing years was probably around 20 - women younger, men older - since women need to optimise for reproductive capacity and men for resource capacity.”
Evolutionarily, women are wired to select for resource capacity in their mate, whilst men are wired to select for reproductive capacity.
(This will likely change since women today are much more capable of securing resources but biology still lags behind culture)
And existential certainty overlaps much more with resource-capacity than reproductive-capacity.
Reproductive capacity involves fertility cues, physical health and beauty. Certainly, existential certainty does have an impact, but not as significantly. Many young, physically attractive women may be insecure and yet are still very sexually attractive.
Resource capacity involves material wealth, but also emotional and psychological wealth - inner resource. Status, power, authority all correlate with existential certainty and resource-capacity.
In fact, inner resource-capacity is much more important than material resource, because by itself, inner resource-capacity already signals material capacity. People who are emotionally stable and secure are extremely unlikely to be poor (unless they choose an extreme Yin-path like being a monk).
Of course, material wealth is also a relevant signal of inner resource - men who are calm, steady, confident, authoritative are much more likely to acquire wealth. But, there are many men who, despite their riches, lack inner resource and remain unattractive.
And then you have a lot of spiritual gurus who, despite an absence of material wealth, enjoy a lot of female attention.
Men that have existential certainty become extremely attractive because of how much it overlaps with resource-capacity, which is what women biology evolutionarily selects for. Older men tend to have greater existential certainty because they accumulate wisdom and understanding over the years. Successful men also typically have more certainty because their success translates to “I exist and am worthy of existing.”
Older people have more experience with death and loss and are thus more likely to have introspected on existence. They also have greater mastery of existence having lived longer.
I often attracted female attention when I was ‘neutral’ to them because in that state, my sense of self wasn’t attached to their approval and my system registered ‘existential confidence/ certainty’. But once I started to desire and attach, my system turned towards ‘existence dependent on her approval’ and attraction quickly evaporated.
A few months back, I started experimenting with ‘containing’ my desire-energy and not letting it leak here. (scroll down to the last few paragraphs for the relevant story).
And I started noticing changes in my body language, nervous system, sexual fantasies.
My experience is very much in alignment with what Morgan (we are on first name terms heh) mentioned - let women chase. Signal interest/ presence/ attention and then let women do what they want. If they are interested, they will pursue, if not, pursuing only makes them run faster.
I could notice women responding much more positively to my new nervous state. Even on the phone, I could perceive women on the other side very quickly soften their tone, relax, become friendly, at ease. Face to face, I noticed women would soften, smile, relax visibly almost immediately, a lot quicker and more obviously than I was used to.
This is because the nervous system updates existential certainty immediately. Women are especially perceptive to this change because they are wired to select for it. Most of this is out of one’s conscious control as it relates to baseline tension and arousal of the nervous system.
(I’ll discuss my effect on men later.)
As for women, gaining existential certainty certainly does improve their overall attractiveness. They become more refined, harmonious, elegant, at ease, delightful. However, their reproductive-capacity has much more to do with physical biology which does not overlap with existential certainty as much.
In fact, it may even increase the ‘intimidation’ effect, whereby very attractive women find that potential pursuers are intimidated by their attractiveness. Many men may be intimidated by a women that displays existential certainty as they might seem too out of reach. However, this is a blessing in disguise, since only secure men will pursue these women.
Neil Strauss shows how a very average looking man can be very attractive simply through nervous system stability. However, the same effect doesn’t apply for women (I think la, i’m not a women, just speculating)
My path to Existential Certainty
My path started off in an extreme Yin state.
In my childhood, my father was an unfair authority figure that excessively punished me as I described here. This produced in me a hypervigilance and skepticism around authority. I became aware very early on that authority was not necessarily fair or trustworthy which made me hyper-skeptical of social conventions.
When I did my national service in the army, it was an extreme version of imposed obligation, following orders, living against your will. It made me very determined to live my own path.
But what was my path? I didn’t know.
I didn’t know what I wanted to do, I only knew what I didn’t want to do. So I decided to stay at home, one day at a time, living in indefinite ambiguity and complete moment-to-moment spontaneity.
In my 20s, I entered a spiritual solitude phase, staying at home wrestling with metaphysics, spirituality and my own psyche. In the Yin phase, my energies turned inwards confronting the meaning of life, death, reality, existence, and my place in it.
I transcended my fear of uncertainty and acquired existential freedom. After all, I lived through over a decade of pure uncertainty.
All certainty in external authority and social convention was deconstructed.
But I still lacked existential authority, desirability and self-worth.
I was empty, not yet full.
Existential Authority
I didn’t trust the world, but I didn’t yet trust myself.
I didn’t yet have any insight or experience in affecting existence.
Since I hadn’t done anything to affect existence, my sense of existential authority, desirability, and worth was bare.
(Of course, even in extreme Yin, there is still residual Yang. There were brief moments of activity where I did move existence.)
Most people start off on a Yang-path first, before turning Yin in their mid-life.
I started off on a Yin-maxxing path, not consciously or deliberately, but simply how destiny unfolded.
When I started turning more Yang, I initially began writing and posting in private chats with my close friends. Initially, it was mostly about gaming and football, but I eventually started writing about psychology and metaphysics. The positive feedback gave me some measure of confidence - others acknowledging my ideas.
This gave me more confidence to post more ambitiously and publicly.
My first ‘big’ public post was about a game’s meta-systems. Previously, I had other posts but they were of a less authoritative nature and focused more on sharing personal experiences. This was the first public post where I assumed a position of authority - that what I said mattered, was useful/ correct, and worth reading.
https://www.reddit.com/r/CompetitiveTFT/comments/1oi55z0/my_response_to_set_15_dev_learnings/
Much of my hesitancy was due to self-doubt and lack of existential authority. I wasn’t sure if my ideas were worth sharing, whether conventional ‘experts’ or ‘professionals’ had already considered them, whether others would appreciate or desire them.
Some of my posts had mixed responses but eventually, I gathered sufficient confidence to develop and publish my tension-charge model and start this blog.
My Existential Expression
I eventually figured out my Yang-activity.
I don’t want to explain and defend myself to ‘the masses’. Especially those who are simply too far away from understanding my ideas.
I don’t want to constantly engage and connect - I only want to do so at my own time and pace.
You can actually see why in my Bazi.
I have Talent/ Maverick Metal-Output stars in my Heavenly Stems (which represent my visible expression). This means that my ‘output’ tends to be analytical, structural, and convention-breaking. The audience needs to have a requisite level of cognitive-structural capacity to process unconventional ideas.
So its not meant for the masses…yet! (once my ideas get mass acceptance, then they will seem natural and obvious)
My Yin-Earth Daymaster indicates a patient, dense, accumulative form of thinking and expression. Which is why my posts are uniquely dense and long-form.
The HUMBLE fertile farmland invites everyone to share in its fruits; but does not seek outside to attract attention; nor does it exert great effort to acquire it.
In my Earthly Branch, you can spot the Mystic, Mentor and Maverick branches which indicate my work is a mix of the mystical, mentor and maverick. The Peer and Rival branches indicate that my activity is meant to be peer-oriented. Thus, not working for others but with others, not as a superior or subordinate, but as a peer.
This blog is the perfect expression of that. The audience gathers voluntarily and self-selects itself. I say what I want to say to everyone as equals.
Clarity of Authority
As I gained clarity of my expression, I felt and became more authoritative.
I began to understand that my work and ideas are valuable, but not meant for the masses. (yet!)
Most people who disagreed and responded negatively didn’t understand the actual premise and points I was making. I could engage with them, but it would take too much effort for too little gain.
Instead, I prefer to only engage with those on a close enough level. My ideas are meta-structural, and its too difficult to engage with those operating on an object-content level.
Rather than debating the outcome of the US-Iran war based on the number of targets destroyed, I much prefer to discuss what the incoherence of their leadership reveals. When the leaders are incoherent, contradictory, and flustered, we can infer that their overall strategy and perception of the war is going very poorly.
(I would say 95+% of western analysts and think-tanks got the US-Iran war completely wrong. Their analysis is worse than useless because not-knowing is better than wrong analysis. Many of them went to prestigious schools and institutions but their thinking is just too primitive.)
Once I became clear on who I was, what I was doing, and who I was meant to serve, I gained a tremendous amount of existential authority.
I stopped feeling like I needed to explain myself. Most of the time, its not that I was wrong or unclear about what I said. Its just a different wavelength.
Disagreements may exist, but they are simply differences in perspective or understanding. If there’s enough value in bridging the differences, then I might engage. Otherwise, just let Reality reveal the answer.
This preserves authority because those in authority decide the terms of engagement.
Once I became clear on what I wanted to engage, I started to dictate the terms.
I decide when and what I want to engage
If I want to engage, if I think its worth engaging, only then do I engage.
Thus, I don’t waste energy to explain myself or appease others. When I do speak, it is condensed sharpness, authority, power.
The weaker you feel, the more you defend, perform, discharge, diffuse your energy - the weaker you feel.
The stronger you feel, the more you rest, relax, conserve, condense your energy - the stronger you feel.
Existential Worth
A parallel trajectory emerged in my sense of worth and desirability.
As my ideas were affirmed and acknowledged, I began to feel more desirable.
People found my ideas interesting, helpful, valuable.
By helping others through sharing my ideas, they in turn fed my sense of worth when they expressed their gratitude and appreciation. This is the sort of direct karmic reward (recognition + self-worth) that happened as a consequence of my virtue-accumulation (sharing freely).
Their recognition built in me an existential self-worth that spiritual solitude could not.
In solitude, I had stripped away social valuations of my self, but there was no mirror to reflect my existential worth. I could proclaim it to myself, read about it in spiritual texts, try and ‘sense’ a sense of worthiness by sitting alone and meditating…
But a simple, direct reflection from an external mirror felt far more satisfying.
When I made a good play or scored a goal, the cheers, recognition, and praise injected a direct infusion of dopamine, serotonin, and all the feel-good chemicals. Making a girl laugh produced a dizzying buzz that just never happened in solitude.
It was only when my inner insight led to consequential action in existence did my self-worth start to amass.
Most people on the Yang-path build up their authority and worth first, partly in order to combat and resist the feelings of existential uncertainty. However, this trajectory leaves them vulnerable if their accumulated ‘certainty’ does not integrate existentially. A sudden loss in status, worth, certainty (unemployment, failure, fall from grace) can leave them reeling in shock as they are suddenly confronted with what they had repressed.
My path started with Yin-deconstruction - entering, pondering, accumulating emptiness. But authority, desirability and worth cannot be built on emptiness. At best, it can produce the peace of nothingness.
For that requires the fullness of life.
And that requires participation, interaction, reflection, and recognition.
The sense of existential power, goodness, worth, comes from being able to act on existence powerfully, significantly, for good.
When I blogged, posted, and commented, the desire was to help and share. But in return, those I helped, helped me through their acknowledgement. They became the mirror of my inner goodness.
My inner goodness externalised made me feel gooooooooooood
hehehe…
Yes i’m the great one thank you thank you…
big number go up brrrr woooo wooo
Changes in body language and behavior
As I gained existential authority, I felt more and more like the author of my life.
I decide, I define, I determine how I feel, do, live.
Less defending, less reacting, less managing others.
I don’t control outcomes, but by not controlling outcomes, outcomes no longer control me.
As I gained existential worth, I felt more and more desirable, powerful, significant.
And what I suspect is that human, peer-markers of recognition are far more meaningful than external metrics. Having fellow humans directly express their appreciation provides, I think, a much deeper and fuller sense of existential validation.
I noticed very significant changes in my body language and nervous system.
(The changes I experience are unique to me...others will experience differently! )
People who are stuck in chronic anger/ fight responses may experience greater relaxation, calm, easy-goingness. People stuck in chronic withdrawal/ flight responses may experience assertiveness, confidence, boldness instead.
I experienced improvements to both, but my main issue relates to my suboccipital tension and the related hypervigilance.
The suboccipitals are highly related to threat-scanning, hypervigilance, anxiety. This was my most noticeable area of change.
An early change I noticed was that my face seemed to feel more ‘arrogant’. I discussed this with chatgpt and it explained that it was because my face was now more relaxed and at rest as I no longer had habitual appeasement or scanning type behaviors.
My eyes were no longer in default threat-scanning.
Observe the chronic micro-tension in the eyes and brows. It is the tension of suspicion and hypervigilance.
Also, my face was no longer signaling micro-appeasement
Women and service staff will be especially familiar with this as they often find themselves having to chronically signal appeasement. They often end up in the ‘emotional labor’ role where they have to manage the other’s (men, customers) instability (anxiety, hostility, insecurity), and appeasement signals safety and lack of threat.
“Common Micro-Appeasement Signals
The “Nervous” or Non-Duchenne Smile: Unlike a genuine smile, an appeasement smile involves the upturning of the lip corners without the accompanying “crow’s feet” (crinkling) around the eyes. It often appears out of context as a way to mask discomfort.
Gaze Aversion: Looking down or away is a primary signal of embarrassment or submission. By breaking eye contact, a person signals that they are not challenging the other individual’s dominance.
Lip Pressing and Puckering: These are common “smile controls” where a person presses their lips together or sucks them inward to suppress a genuine reaction, often signaling anxiety or a desire to remain non-confrontational.
Head Tilts and Lowering: Tilting the head forward or to the side exposes the neck, which is a biological signal of vulnerability often associated with shame or a request for care.
Displacement Behaviors: Fleeting, out-of-context movements like rapid blinking, lip licking, or swallowing indicate internal stress and a need to soothe oneself while signaling discomfort to others”
Hans Landa, the SS officer, displays dominant, authoritative, predator signals such as; the unblinking stare, ‘looking down’ on a person, jutting the jaw forward, contemptuously smirking.
In real-life, appeasement signals are extremely common in luxury-service environments as the staff are well-trained to ensure their clientele’s ease. This excess appeasement is actually somewhat uncomfortable to secure individuals, but rich people are not necessarily secure.
What I thought to be arrogance was simply my face at rest. Previously, there was chronic tension even in solitude; now its at rest even in intense situations.
Because I have reached a threshold of existential certainty, nothing threatens me, therefore neither vigilance nor appeasement is necessary.
Public Figures
I tried to think of public figures with high existential certainty, but realised they were very rare. Most public figures have some form of material status, but that alone is insufficient. The draw of fame has a lot to do with compensating for existential uncertainty - needing the eye of the public to reflect ‘yes, you exist, we see you’ - so it cancels out.
Even powerful, public figures often lack it as they are trapped in a materialistic worldview that denies their unconditional existence. Of all the US presidents in recent history, none of them come close despite apparently occupying the most powerful office.
Of all the presidents, only George W Bush stands out for being more self-assured. Clinton, Obama and Biden displayed typical ‘please like me’ signals. Trump’s narcissism and ego-inflation is self-explanatory.
(You can find clips of them speaking. Bush is the only one that feels like he is not seeking to convince anyone or get their approval.)
Many western leaders are similar because western democracy no longer selects for competency or authority, but ‘popularity’. Appeasement is useful because it signals ‘I am not a threat, I can be bargained with’
Men who have extremely high existential certainty often intimidate other status-conscious men because they are their own authority and cannot be controlled. Thus, political donors, potential supporters, peers, do not feel comfortable supporting someone who is unlikely to ‘return the favor’.
In authoritarian regimes, the opposite is true. The stakes are higher and supporters are not looking for someone they can bargain with. They are looking for someone who is likely to be and stay in control. The authoritarian leader has much more power and authority than a democratic leader. By siding with and supporting a ‘stable winner’, one is likely to be much safer. A leader with high existential certainty that can keep their composure, remain emotionally stable, and take decisive action is much more likely to get and stay in power.
You can sense the difference in the strain and restlessness of the faces. Chronic micro-tensions may not be explicitly obvious but humans are very good at picking up on them.
Consistent indicators of high existential certainty are;
Calm, relaxed, expressions
Steady, patient speech
Unhurried movements
These behaviors only happen when one is in a parasympathetic state where they feel secure and relaxed. The higher one’s existential certainty, the deeper and more consistently parasympathetic they are.
As previously mentioned, Morgan Freeman is a person that has high existential certainty.
But the clearest public footage of it is demonstrated by Ramana Maharshi.
Notice that the way he behaves is often very child-like. He just
If we look at his face, we can understand how it can be interpreted as arrogance. The complete lack of tension signals - I don’t care about your status’. For status-conscious people, this can be interpreted as ‘this person thinks he is above me’.
Most people are used to appeasement signals, regardless of if they are the ones giving it, receiving it, or mutually exchanging it.
And high-status men are used to other men signaling appeasement. In their world, only peers or superiors don’t exhibit these signals.
With women, the dynamic changes. Women don’t usually see men as competitors but as potential partners. Appeasement signals in males indicates lower status, whilst tits absence signals higher status (hehhehhe). Since one would prefer a higher-status partner/ ally/ teammate, women universally respond much more positively to male existential certainty.
Besides my face feeling more relaxed, I noticed changes to my voice, speech, posture, body language, communication, etc
My voice sounded deeper, denser, steadier.
When one rushes to say many things - to over-explain, perform, defend, appease - they need to produce many sounds quickly. Thus, their breath is frequent and short, as air must be quickly used and pushed out. This makes their voice more hurried, high-pitched, and shallow.
But if one takes their time to say what they want to say, and if their speech is naturally condensed due to lack of defenses, they can take deep breaths and pauses between their speech. Each word has more breath (Qi) and potency behind it. Speech is projected deep from the diaphragm. Their voice sounds deeper, denser, calmer.
My speech became shorter, less frequent, more direct. Much less explaining, appeasing, hedging. Just straight to the point.
I was surprised at how my voice sounded so much more authoritative. Do this. This is how it is. Come here.
Recently, a charity promoter knocked on the door to introduce himself. Halfway through his spiel, I signaled him to stop, and simply asked him,
‘whats at the end’
This has a lot to do with my Geng-Metal. Geng-Metal carries a direct authoritativeness that was no longer diffused by existential uncertainty.
Posture and body language simultaneously became softer, looser, more relaxed; yet steadier, powerful, more deliberate.
Constantly shifting, fidgeting, micro-expressions sputtering, eyes searching, trying to convince, persuade, explain, defend, distract with flowery rhetoric and rhetorical flourish.
Sit down lil bro no one thinks you’re tough.
Real existential power is relaxed, dense, deliberate.
Existential Posture
Internally, I felt my posture shift.
Because I was more existentially certain, I felt more secure. Ambiguity, uncertainty, and silence could be tolerated because I no longer needed to be understood, to seek resolution, to clarify my position.
When a person misunderstands me, insults me, or makes a joke/ criticism I don’t appreciate, its no longer something I need to clarify, resolve, defend.
I just don’t bother.
The burden and anxiety to explain, appease, defend, cajole, persuade, argue, confront evaporated. Thus, communication becomes compressed, condensed, concise.
(Notice how authoritative the Iranian ambassador sounded when his initial replies were concise. Once he began elaborating, he started to sound a lot weaker despite saying more.)
I didn’t feel superior to anyone. The I just stopped comparing.
You can’t fake existential authority. You might be able to simulate it briefly through text, as text contains much less signals. But even a phone call quickly betrays differences in authority. In truth, it doesn’t really matter who speaks first or who speaks more. Its just a general tendency that those with higher status and authority tend to have more compressed qi, focus, speech. They have less to prove, thus they try less to prove. But when necessary, speaking first or speaking freely can be absolutely authoritative.
Things and events that I would previously pay more attention to, be more vigilant about, project problems and simulate hypotheticals around, dramatically felt less urgent.
For instance, I stopped regularly checking whatsapp in case my Dad needed my help for work. If it is urgent enough, he will call me. Otherwise, I’ll see it when I happen to see it. The same goes for other things in life - I stopped arranging myself around life, so life arranges itself around me.
When you stop solving life, life solves itself.
Existence simply feels assured, certain, undeniable.
I just do whatever I want and whatever happens happens.
Reactions
Others started treating me differently.
Note that there were no changes in social markers. The only thing that changed was my existential posture.
Previously, regarding work, I would elaborate and explain to my father all the possibilities I saw and make suggestions on what could be done. As I gained existential certainty, I just recognised what was the best and right thing to do.
Very quickly, my father started to defer to me.
In football, other players started to ‘defer’ to me more, asking questions, trusting my judgement, being a lot less critical of my play. I did play better but not that much better. It was simply the shift in existential posture that changed how they perceived me.
Because my posture now signaled self-sufficiency, certainty, authority.
If they said something I disagreed with, I just smiled or ignored them. No reaction, no defense, no explanation.
Receptivity
I observed a difference in treatment between two groups.
Men that engaged with me as a peer became warmer, more personal, even a bit deferential. I could tell they paid more attention, cared more for my opinion, and felt more at ease.
Because previously, even minor defenses or status-signaling creates distance and separation. Once these were erased, we could connect on an even more personal and intimate level.
But men that seemed to expect status deference or appeasement were disturbed.
Since this was a recent shift, I had not yet learned to calibrate my expression. Without appeasement signals in my communication (hedging, disclaimers, polite or neutral modifiers), some people regarded my direct and authoritative manner of speech as personal challenge.
“[13:36, 01/03/2026] XDD: I’m thinking Plan A is Reza Pahlavi which the covert intelligence forces will try to install as a friendly puppet. But he’s royalty and not suited to run a modern country so that’s only step 1. He should then shepherd elections and a new democratically elected government. With a 100mil population I’m hoping there’s enough bench strength for a new core group of Iranians that can take over the theocratic government and bring Iran back to mainstream.
[13:38, 01/03/2026] XDD: I don’t know what’s the plan to deal with IRGC. My guess is that the leaders of IRGC are more interested in money and their own lives than religious idealism. If the current IRGC leadership is wiped out then the rest can be bent to support the new govt. What the US won’t do is to repeat Iraq.
[13:43, 01/03/2026] Junnies: i think its a mistake to project one’s own/ american values onto other people. the iranian regime i think many of them already come to terms with their mortality. the whole country has been under perpetual existential threat since 30-40 years. i think almost no chance of a ‘democratic transition’ - that is a fantasy projection. if they had let the own internal tensions of the iranian regime boil over, got chance. but now they attack iran, the only reunite all the iranians + muslim world against israel and usa
[13:47, 01/03/2026] XDD:
I’ve stated it’s my POV and best guess. Nobody’s projecting anything on anyone. Least of all a nobody like me. You also have a POV. Albeit a different one from mine which I respect and don’t dismiss as fantasy. So I don’t appreciate the condescension and double standard.
[13:55, 01/03/2026] Junnies: chill lol sorry if i came off that way. just intended to be a neutral comment”
I already mentioned that women universally perceived the change positively.
But what caught me off guard was what transpired during a phone call.
My father was recontracting a phone plan and needed assistance confirming the contract. So I called the sales person in charge.
Salesgirl : “(cautious, guarded, hesitant as I was an unknown number calling) Hello? ”
Me: “Hi is this Singtel?
Salesgirl : “Oh no (a bit uncertain, then registers my confusion and realises i’m probably calling for business reasons and immediately relaxes), I'm from Starhub”
Me: “Oh okay, I’m calling regarding the recontract”
Salesgirl: “(professionally relaxed, no longer guarded) Ah, you are Mr Tan?”
Me: “uh ya, I’m helping my dad”
Salesgirl: “oh, that’s nice…(tone suddenly becomes girlish, personal, deferential)”
I was taken aback by how quickly and drastically her tone shifted. It almost felt bizarre as somehow I had become the authority figure. Although I was the one asking for instructions, it felt like I was taking the lead and she was following it.
Me: “So uh…I need to confirm through the email?”
Salesgirl: “ah yes, you need to…”
Previously, phone conversations stayed on a professional level. Friendly, polite, but with a business tone and distance. And since I was usually the ‘customer’ who was enquiring, the other party took on the role of an ‘authority’ giving instructions.
It felt very unfamiliar for me, as the ‘customer’, to be the one leading the conversation. Somehow, my existential posture shifted the dynamics of the conversation on its own.
In real-life, it would usually take several minutes of face to face interaction before I would register a shift towards greater warmth.
The immediacy of her tonal shift bewildered me.
I do think other factors also played a part. The context of a phone conversation and the interaction happening in a professional boundary probably reduced threat and uncertainty. The low-stakes, high-certainty context allowed her nervous system to relax almost immediately to mine.
Developing Existential Certainty
Both Yin and Yang must be traversed.
In the life of Buddha, he was exceptionally talented, powerful, wealthy and materially certain. Yet, it was not enough. He needed to complete the Yin path of asceticism and emptiness before he became enlightened and discovered “the Middle Way” of Yin-Yang harmony.
![Stream BUDDHA SONG - _Anything_ FabvL (Record of Ragnarok) [Shuumatsu no Valkyrie] by xtale_chara | Listen online for free on SoundCloud](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!QW9J!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb0f4d5c8-8e4e-47bc-bea9-e41d846a2080_500x500.jpeg "Stream BUDDHA SONG - _Anything_ FabvL (Record of Ragnarok) [Shuumatsu no Valkyrie] by xtale_chara | Listen online for free on SoundCloud")
Everyone will walk their own path.
The Yin-path
The Yin path is the path of deconstruction, emptiness, the void. Here, we break down and see through the unsubstantial and unreal nature of our unreality. We deconstruct our material assumptions to realise that everything is consciousness.
Your brain doesn’t create your consciousness; your consciousness creates the idea of you having a brain.
(I explored how to deconstruct our reality-model here.)
There are different trajectories of the Yin-path. Some people come upon it through near-death experiences. Others through great loss. My path was that of spiritual solitude and study.
I explored and studied ideas of determinism, ego-death, complete trust and surrender.
I lived out these existential questions every day for many months and years on end.
I read about the idea of determinism and surrender - how everything is happening out of our control. So you might as well surrender, stop struggling, let everything unfold.
Thus, I would wake up and be determined to not have any ego-constructed plans. I would just lie on the bed and observe myself. And I would find that after several minutes, the body would spontaneously get up and do whatever (usually turn on the computer XDD). Sometimes, the body would lie on the bed longer. A few times, I remember just lying on the bed for several hours until it decided to move.
I kept running through metaphysical arguments in my head. If everything is connected, then trust in goodness must produce its fruits. Peace begets peace, good begets good, kindness begets kindness, trust begets trust.
These are all universal principles that can be observed given sufficient perspective and time horizon. But from a limited view, it was difficult to see.
(they all saying the same shit - everything is connected, nothing is separate. just because the sun takes 12 hours to rotate around doesn’t mean its not coming)
It seemed hard to visibly see and fathom how ‘trust in life’ would produce security. Going out to ‘earn financial money’ seemed to be the most direct, visible, explicit, sequential step to gain financial security.
But we can break down this superficial logic by extrapolating it.
If you drink water and weigh yourself immediately before/ after, it would seem as if drinking water causes you to gain weight. Wouldn’t it then be logical to assume that drinking water is an effective way to gain weight? But that logic only works in an extremely simplified context. Extend the time horizon and the body will urinate out the excess water.
It may seem as if stealing or robbing opportunistically would enable one to gain money in the fastest, most efficient manner. But if one considers all the other variables actually involved. it quickly becomes obvious that stealing is a most efficient manner of poverty.
Even if you don’t get caught, because you got away with it, you will be tempted to steal again. Each time you don’t get caught, you get bolder, more complacent, more careless, until you do get caught and destroyed.
People start to become suspicious. Even if they have no direct proof, they may start to suspect and cut you off. Social capital and reputation self-destructs. Opportunities that might otherwise have been offered are never extended.
Who would want to hire a thief?
Psychologically, you start to see yourself as a criminal. You inevitably act, think and behave like one.
And we haven’t even considered karmic law and divine justice.
Its the same principle as Trump’s barbaric grab of Venezuela. Superficially, he gained access to the country’s wealth and resources. However, the karmic debt (grandiosity, thinking he could repeat the same thing with Iran) returned with catastrophic interest.
Material Changes
In my own trajectory, the path of trust and surrender did not seem to yield much from a short-term horizon. When I compared one year to the next, the current year to the previous, nothing much seemed to change. Changes were happening, but they just didn’t register as significant.
One change could be that I upgraded from a laptop to a desktop. It didn’t seem much at that time, but it significantly improved my quality of life as my computer ran faster, games ran smoother, and I could watch stuff on a much bigger screen, which was especially significant since I spent most of my time at home.
Another change was that my dad needed my help for his business which gave me some relatively easy online work, income, and business insight. My mom bought me a smartphone on sale as I was a very late adopter of it as I didn’t see the need for one (XD). A big change was when I shifted to a much better housing.
When the changes happened, the friction of disruption brought about temporary turmoil together with long-term improvement. But as these changes stacked and accumulated, I could finally trace significant improvements in my life…all without my personal conscious effort.
I didn’t ‘decide’ to upgrade my laptop…it broke down and it seemed natural to buy a desktop that was better and cheaper. I didn’t offer to help my dad…he came to me because he needed someone. I didn’t have the money or inclination to move house…circumstances just arranged themselves.
(my mom bought the house with the initial intent to rent it, but the other party hesitated and we decided the house was too nice to rent so we moved in instead)
In the blink of an eye, a decade had passed. With a wide enough horizon, I finally registered the material reflection of trust and surrender.
But it took a long time and a lot of existential struggle before I could finally see it.
Not because they weren’t happening, but because
Existential Rebirth
Along the way, my family, relatives, strangers and my self constantly questioned what I was doing, where this was going, where this leads to. I wasn’t going to uni, I wasn’t getting a job, I was just at home, waiting, trusting, surrendering, one day at a time, one thought at a time, with no plan or purpose I could explain or articulate except trust.
I wasn’t taking a gap-year…I wasn’t taking a gap-decade…I had no idea or direction where the path was leading. I was walking blind into fog, no path ahead, no sign to follow, just bloody determined to keep walking blind.
Maybe I walk a vagrant, a lost soul, a directionless loser for the rest of my life.
So be it.
Die then die.
What died was the psychic scaffolding of the ego. Before existential certainty, one takes their sense of self, sufficiency, certainty from others. Parents, peers, society. I underwent spiritual crucifixion so that I could be existentially reborn.
Civilisational Existentialism
Metaphysics, philosophy, and spirituality are the existential fields of study. The biographies of the Iranian leaders reveal that they all have extremely sophisticated religious and philosophical backgrounds.
“In later years, Khamenei described his upbringing in autobiographical reflections, portraying himself as raised in a deeply religious household. He stated that his mother came from a clerical family and that religious education shaped his childhood. He recalled excelling in his studies, reciting the Quran at school, and developing an early interest in hadith and prophetic narratives. He described family gatherings in which his mother recited Quranic verses, particularly those concerning the lives of the prophets. He emphasized his broad intellectual interests beyond religious scholarship, including mathematics, geography, and especially history.[31]
As an adolescent, Khamenei read widely in literature, poetry, and novels, became familiar with major works of Persian poetry, and began composing poetry himself at a young age. Khamenei characterized himself as having a strong memory and aptitude for literary criticism, stating that he could recall texts read in adolescence and that his critiques of poetry were often affirmed by poets and audiences. He recounted that during the Pahlavi era he once jumped from a moving train to perform his prayers on time. He described his childhood as marked by poverty, noting that his family lived in a poor neighborhood of Mashhad, that his mother made clothes from his father’s old garments, and that they at times lacked sufficient food, relying on small amounts of raisins or milk purchased with minor sums given by relatives.”
Only people who have contemplated their own existence can embrace life and death.
Trump’s biography…speaks for itself. Business, economics, real estate. His life is that of the extreme materialist.
In his first presidential campaign, he was at his spiritual peak. His Qi was vibrant, charismatic, warm.
There was a sense of righteousness, a greater calling, a service to others about him.
Even in his second presidential campaign, these streaks were visible.
Unfortunately, his path did not contain any hint of Yin that would grant him wisdom. Even at his best, there was a shallow superficiality about him, an excessive concern with the visible, the material, the temporal. (winning, bigly, stock market, jobs)
His personal courage, boldness, and ambition became corrupted and turned into violence, gangsterism, and destruction.
The eyes are the clearest indicator of the soul. You can see how much darker, sharper, demonic his eyes have become.
Netanyahu is more sophisticated, although his biography is still extremely Yang. He does have prominent Water-features - broad forehead, soft, round features, watery eyes. Indeed, this Water-intelligence is what allowed him to navigate politics successfully for so long.
But intelligence doesn’t mean wisdom. Netanyahu does have a scholarly streak, but he spent it studying terrorism. His ability to pull Trump into a doomed war to achieve his Greater Israel vision is testament to Water’s ability to use diplomacy and blackmail to achieve its ends.
Because the Epstein regime is stuck in the material Yang reality-model, they cannot conceive of and understand the existential reality-frame of the Iranians. For the Iranians, death is but an opportunity to serve God. Whilst the Epstein regime threatens death and destruction, the Iranians embrace it as a fight for life.
Love and Wisdom
In my previous post on Karmic Reward, I discussed the relationship between Love, Wisdom, and Power.
“Historical figures that had a ‘great’ impact on history or achievements include Genghis Khan, Adolf Hitler, Jesse Livermore. Certainly, they had ‘great’ talents that enabled their rise, yet their lives may not necessarily be enviable.
The highest state is that which contains both greatness and goodness. That is the state of 福, where one is not merely great, or good, but is fortunate.
Fortune and Virtue requires Love, Power, and Truth.
Love is the intent to do Good
Truth is the knowledge to do Good
Power is the power to do Good
To achieve a state of greatness (Power) and goodness (Love) requires wisdom (Truth)
And wisdom is intelligence relating to the fundamentals of Reality. Many clever people have a specific intelligence, but lack ‘fundamental’ intelligence, and thus ‘underachieve’. They didn’t really underachieve - they just didn’t have the other qualities required.
Despite the distinction between greatness and goodness, they are fundamentally related. They are mutually sustaining engines and neither can go very far without the other.
A weak, loving person only has a small amount of 德, and can only enjoy a small amount of 福. A powerful but bad person quickly creates disaster for himself. Which is why its more important to focus on Love, without neglecting Power.”
The Iranian leaders possess Love and Wisdom. They may be imperfect, but by their fruits you will know them. Despite Khamenei and Larijani possessing less material power, their Love and Wisdom grants tremendous strength and spirit to millions of their countrymen.
Trump, despite having far more material power, is greatly lacking. His people hate him, his country hates him, his soldiers hate him. I don’t think he was evil and hateful at first. But without wisdom, he was easily corrupted and has brought upon great disaster on himself and his country.
One side threatens death, the other side embraces it - in a life and death struggle, who wins?
Civilisational Death
Every healthy civilisation needs citizens willing to die for their country.
Any civilisation that fears death inevitably decays and dies.
Death is a natural part of life. A healthy civilisation requires that its people be willing to plan and care and fight and die for the next generation. Their loved ones. The greater good.
That requires existential certainty.
Which is why religion, spiritual traditions and cultural myths are an essential part of civilisation. They help teach and remind us of our non-negotiable existence so that we do not fear death. Everyone and every civilisation has some access to spiritual consciousness, but excess materialism clouds over it.
Those that fear death become corrupt because their material comfort and existence starts to take precedence over everything else.
After the life and death struggle of World War 2, the West gained a tremendous amount of existential certainty. Confronted with death, they emerged with a passionate zest for life.
“The post-war boom was a period of unprecedented prosperity from 1945 to 1973, defined by rapid economic growth, low unemployment, and the massive expansion of the middle class across the West. Driven by technological innovations from WWII, stable international trade agreements, and robust government investment in infrastructure and social safety nets, this era transformed daily life through the rise of suburban living and consumer culture. It remains the benchmark for Western economic success, ending only when the 1973 oil crisis triggered a global shift toward stagflation.”
Democracy - the rule of the masses - can only work when the masses see beyond their individual ego-self and view themselves as a greater collective Whole working for a greater collective Good.
Once people collapse into their separate tribal identities, their ego-selves, their material existence, their will and action becomes selfish self-serving self-destruction.
Rich, powerful people raping and trafficking kids…covered up and protected by the institutions meant to stop them.
“The FBI’s “repeated and continued failures, delays and inaction” allowed Jeffrey Epstein to continue his sex trafficking operation for more than 20 years, 12 alleged victims claimed in a lawsuit filed Wednesday.
“For over two decades, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (hereinafter ‘FBI’) permitted Jeffrey Epstein to sex traffic and sexually abuse scores of children and young women by failing to do the job the American people expected of it and that the FBI’s own rules and regulations required: investigate the reports, tips, and evidence it had of rampant sexual abuse and sex trafficking by Epstein and protect the young women and children who fell victim to him,” the lawsuit reads.”
https://edition.cnn.com/2024/02/14/us/epstein-women-lawsuit-fbi
Why are western governments protecting the Epstein class?
Bribery, blackmail, murder. The carrot is money, status, protection. The stick is disgrace, death, destruction.
What if you get a call to stop looking or else.
How do you respond if they threaten to kill you?
The only acceptable response is:
DIE
THEN
DIE
The West is scared to die
That’s why the Epstein regime can run free. A civilisation afraid to die is weak and corruptible.
That’s why the US military is so uniquely fetishised and valorised.
The Epstein regime requires them but also despises them. Scared to die, the regime needs fodder willing to die for them. The fodder get benefits, approval, thank you for your service, thank you for your life.
(Bessent publicly sacrifices his child to the Epstein demons.)
I suspect that ever since JFK’s assassination, the USA has been in a death spiral. The public, ritual killing of JFK traumatised the country so much it lost its spirit.
![If not us, who? If not now, when?" - John F. Kennedy [3840x2160] [OC] : r/QuotesPorn](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!ZTwn!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fde45e5fb-bbcc-4512-bca4-f74b9e99546d_3840x2160.jpeg "If not us, who? If not now, when?\" - John F. Kennedy [3840x2160] [OC] : r/QuotesPorn")
He was instead replaced by a man of thin lips, hard eyes, and a vulture’s nose.
You can literally pinpoint JFK’s death from America’s decline.
When a country death spirals, it loses its vitality, integrity, goodness. People become selfish, short-sighted, superficial. They cheat, they steal, they kill.
The creative potency ebbs and wanes as the older generation dies off until it is no more. The same cyclical decline of past empires is happening to the USA.
Love, Wisdom, then Power rots away.
“The $10,000 Toilet Seat Lid (2018): Senator Chuck Grassley highlighted that the Air Force was paying roughly $10,000 for a single toilet seat lid used on C-5 Galaxy transport planes. The high cost was attributed to the fact that the original manufacturer had long ago shut down the production line, requiring the parts to be custom-made.”
Obviously, huge graft and corruption is rife in the United States. Even though the USA boasts of the highest military spending by far, how much of that spend is pure grift wealth-transfer? The cost price for a toilet seat is much less - maybe $100. China can probably make it for $10. Adjusting for cost and strategic efficiency, China has likely long surpassed the USA in effective military expenditure.
For the West to be reborn, it needs to realise its death.
Rebirth
Fundamentally, there must be a change in one’s psyche.
All trauma can be traced back to existential uncertainty - ‘I might die/ not exist/ not matter’.
When a child is abused, it tenses up to defend itself. Otherwise, it ‘might not exist’. Trauma is the body’s defense against non-existence. As long as one is existentially uncertain, they will produce and hold onto body tension.
(And without releasing body tension, existence cannot feel certain)
This is why people can feel relaxed and relief after a massage, but return back to their stressed baseline afterwards. Their fundamental psyche has not changed, thus body tension returns.
I was able to make extremely rapid progress with releasing body tension because my psyche had already been deconstructed - my body was just holding onto old trauma-patterns. Thus, as I release body tension, it doesn’t return and I continually experience continuous progress.
The Yang path
The Yin path pulls us to confront our existence.
The Yang path pushes us to create it.
Consciousness needs a mirror to see itself. The mirror is other people, the world, our external reality.
Service to others, service to reality, service to the world is the same as service to self, since the Self is others, the world, reality.
When one becomes ego-centered, they only interact with reality to serve their ego (the conceptual body-boundary ‘self’). This isn’t necessarily bad since one can serve their ego without hurting others…but it is often the case.
I think Trump was such a person and part of him wanted to help his country. Without that sincerity, he would not have had the passionate support of so many.
(Obama was adored; Trump was embraced)
But a narcissistic ego is essentially unstable. Its insecurity is intrinsic and insatiable.
One more win, one more fix, one more step to securing a glorious legacy.
Serving the ego only serves and benefits a minuscule portion of Self compared to service to the Whole.
To gain existential certainty, service to others is paramount. The existential recognition one can gain from the ego is far less than what one can gain from other people.
Which is why some people get so disturbed when I don’t care for their status markers.
Ultimately, status markers only mean anything…if others acknowledge them. If no one plays the game, the house of cards collapses.
That’s why fame is such a drug. The public spotlight engulfs the self with such overwhelming intensity that it exists.
When you serve others, people recognise you. When you serve yourself,
Help Help Help
When you help others, not only do you get recognition and appreciation, you create in yourself permanent proof of your own Goodness. Even if others don’t know about it, even if they don’t acknowledge it, YOU know about it. You gain certainty that you exist, that you are good (thus desirable), that you matter (are worthy).
https://www.scmp.com/news/people-culture/china-personalities/article/3316520/disabled-chinese-scavenger-donates-tonnes-supplies-flood-victims-keeps-nothing
“A polio-suffering man has once again moved the mainland public by donating tonnes of supplies to the victims of a flood in southwestern China.
Hu Lei, 32, who has been dubbed the Kneeling Giant, bought 5,000kg of rice, 500 boxes of instant noodles, 500 bottles of mineral water, 100 torches and 2,000 pairs of gloves at a combined cost of 55,000 yuan (US$8,000).
His friends also bought items worth 20,000 yuan (US$3,000).
They drove a truck loaded with supplies to flood-hit Rongjiang County in Guizhou province.
On arrival on June 29, they transferred the items to the local disaster relief authority, Jimu News reported.
The whole project left Hu with just 0.5 yuan in his bank account, the report said.
“Either I do not donate, or I give everything,” Hu was quoted as saying.
Hu, from a poor family in the Ningxia Hui autonomous region in northwestern China, is known and admired by many as a Kneeling Giant due to his philanthropic dedication despite his physical condition.
He makes a living by collecting items that can be recycled and selling handicraft products at a street stall.
Despite his meagre income, Hu donated one million yuan (US$140,000) to help 500 impoverished students between 2008 and 2023.
Some of his earnings came from live-streaming on social media and subsidies from the government for the disabled.
Rongjiang County is famous for its village football league, which went viral on social media years ago.
The region experienced severe flooding from June 21 to June 24.
Roads and shopping centres were engulfed by the floodwaters and more than 100,000 residents were affected. 50,000 people had to be evacuated.
“I arrived in Rongjiang and felt sad with what I saw. Rongjiang is badly wrecked by the flood. Cheer up, Rongjiang. You will get through misery,” Hu said.
“I am sick with many diseases, but I must stick to the charity endeavour. Too many people have helped me since my childhood. The government also gives me a subsidy every month,” he added.
Hu’s story sparked a lively discussion on mainland social media.
“He is kneeling on the ground. But he deserves us to respect and look up to him,” one online observer said.
“He is a figure that moves the whole of China. Let us remember his name, Hu Lei,” said another person.
However, another person said: “His extreme charitable actions should not be advocated. When he wants to buy a steamed bun which needs just two yuan, he will find he cannot afford it.”
If everyone were to follow Hu Lei’s actions, the world would be Heaven. Hu Lei demonstrates that no matter your circumstance, you can be existentially powerful through service to others, making the best of your life.
His story, his impact, his existence is uniquely powerful because of his misfortune. My writing, my ideas, my understanding is uniquely helpful because of my suffering. That which seems to hurt us may indeed be helping us.
Goodness
There is a deep and obvious reason why materially powerful people can still lack existential certainty.
They don’t believe in Goodness.
They pay lip service, sell themselves as good, but they don’t really buy it.
They think other people are idiots for believing in Goodness when they are the real dummies.
They just look miserable right?
Radvinsky has the ‘best’ photo but….
his mouth is smiling but his eyes are in pain.
There’s no need to envy these people because they are all miserable af.
So what if some of them have long lives? Its just unending misery trying to stave off the thought and possibility of the hell or nothingness that awaits them.
To be happy and at peace, you need to be in a parasympathetic state.
And to be in a parasympathetic state, you need to feel safe.
And you can only feel safe if you believe in Goodness. How can there be safety without Goodness?
Reality must always feel vaguely hostile in the absence of goodness.
And this is where the importance of kindness, goodness, and service to others becomes undeniable.
Without a belief, and sense, of Goodness, existence is always uncertain. You can’t relax, you can’t trust, you can’t be certain.
The fastest way to Goodness is to help others. Once you’re kind, helpful, good, then the goodness of existence rushes back to you. As I wrote about here.
You know Goodness exists because you are your own evidence. When you do Good, you are Good, and you are existence itself.
Once you feel, see, know that Existence is Goodness, then certainty is inevitable. If its good, all good, only good, then you can absolutely be certain of your Existence - that you exist, you matter, you’re Good.
Our Personal Path
The key to developing existential certainty is to figure out your profile, your passion, your purpose in life. Your purpose in life must be something you are good at (profile) - that’s why you are good at it. And you will tend to be good at what you are interested in (passion).
In a future (maybe next!) post, I will go into a more in-depth exploration of my Bazi that relates to purpose, psychology, and behavior.
But to give a general gist of how I figured out my purpose…
In my Bazi, you can see strong Resource elements as indicated by the Mentor (Direct Resource - Bing), Mystic (Indirect Resource - Ding), and the Scholar Pattern. Fire produces Earth, my Daymaster, and thus, Fire is my Resource. In my Heavenly Stems, you also see the presence of the “Output” elements (Earth produces/ outputs Metal). Having two Output in my Heavenly Stems indicates that I have very strong expression/ output.
Also note the presence of “Maverick” which is the output of bold, maverick, self-expression.
Outside of Bazi, I noticed a very strong pull towards metaphysics, spirituality, philosophy, and a general curiosity for knowledge. We can map this to my “Mentor Pattern” - the student that is voracious for knowledge eventually becomes the teacher.
I’ve also noticed a strong expressive streak in myself. My physical body doesn’t move a lot, but my ‘mouth’ and hands do. This maps onto my “Output”.
The plentiful Peer/ Rival Earth elements indicates that my life will revolve around peer-interaction.
I can roughly piece together the purpose of my existence - to learn and then to teach my peers. But not conventional knowledge, but transformative (Fire), mystical, maverick ideas.
According to my Western astrology, my Sun sign is Gemini and my Moon sign is Sagittarius:
“A person with a Gemini Sun and Sagittarius Moon may have a core mission to bridge the gap between specific information and universal wisdom. This combination blends Gemini’s intellectual curiosity with Sagittarius’s philosophical depth, creating a natural “teacher-philosopher” archetype.
Core Life Purpose
The likely mission involves gathering diverse facts and experiences to understand and share the “big picture” of life.
Synthesizing Knowledge: Mental agility (Gemini) can connect scattered details into larger patterns of meaning and truth (Sagittarius).
Expansion through Communication: Acting as a conduit for high ideals, the purpose often involves disseminating far-sighted visions to a wide variety of people.
Inspirational Teaching: People are likely meant to inspire others to expand their own horizons, whether through formal education, writing, or simply sharing lived adventures.”
Let nature takes its course
All things happen in their own time. My spiritual solitude served to clarify my psyche. At that time, I had no inkling that its purpose was to prepare myself to become who I am now.
We don’t know what we are meant to be doing in the future, but we know what we are meant to be doing now. Whatever we are doing now is whatever we are meant to be doing.
Not forever but for now.
I figured something very cool with the Bazi cycle which I will elaborate on in my next post.
If we look at the self-actualisation cycle, the Resource produces Self. As Self produces Output, it receives Manifestation. If the Output is bad, the result will be bad - if you attack someone, they will attack you back. If you help others, help is returned (in the form of wealth, influence, assistance, etc).
When you have sufficient manifestation, it transforms into Power/ Status. You gain authority, status, recognition for the work you have done and the results you accomplished.
The greater status then brings further, expanded opportunity to develop yourself - greater and greater Resource. Feeding back into Self/ Existence.
Earlier, my cycle was ‘stuck’ in the Resource and Self stages. Only in the last six months have I started to consistently Output. In turn receiving Wealth/ Results in the form of recognition, influence, opportunity.
Which then translates into greater authority. If you relook at my Bazi, notice that Wood (the authority/ status element for me) is nearly absent, being hidden in the Earthly Branches. This means that my Authority is the least visible part. It is ‘hidden’, activated selectively (such as when I blog or teach), and only becomes more present as my Wealth (Water element) builds up.
As I exist as I am meant to exist, made to exist, moved to exist, my existence becomes ever more certain.
Existential Power
Body tension is consciousness fighting itself, resisting its existence, struggling to struggle.
In resistance, a part of you is folded onto itself, freezing itself, fleeing itself, fighting itself. Your full potential cannot be realised for that self-struggle is an existential parasite forever feeding upon itself.
As the struggle against existing not-existing stops, as ego-structures collapse,
Consciousness is freed, liberated, reborn.
Qi is restored and rejuvenated, thus one becomes greater certainty, authority, power, potency, because one
IS.
MORE.
RAWR
the body-muscle no longer chronically in spasmic tension, is available for smooth coordination, action, no longer self-sabotaging self-destroying self-interfering.
Because I don’t waste movement, I move with power; I do less, achieve more; appear less certain, become more certain.
Power accumulates when it is no longer wasted.
I transform from heavily, seriously, deadly to lightly, lovely, lively.
In sexual fantasy, I no longer need to negotiate so desire gets accessed immediately. Fantasies get simpler, denser, more satisfying.
In football, I embrace and preserve my strength for when it matters for what I’m good at. Thus, when I act, it is potent and decisive.
In speech, I am my own author and audience. I speak for myself, for myself. Thus, it becomes existentially authoritative.
In life, I live simply, purely, freely me. I only do what I want, so what I do is what others only want.
I no longer spend on defence, yet no one seeks to attack me. Without uncertainty, there is coherence, and in coherence; ego, self, world, existence, reality, heaven, earth - all become perfect in alignment.
At peace with death, surrendered to life, power returns to existence.
The Right to Exist
As I was about to finish this post, I had a dream-insight.
In the dream, I was a soccer player explaining my play to the coach. The coach felt like a primal figure of authority that went beyond just being a coach. He was my father, coach, society all in one.
I explained that I ‘did this’ because I wanted ‘this to happen’. The coach barely listened, asserting ‘then what if this happens? you should be overlapping here instead”
I wanted to explain that my profile and stamina didn’t allow me the fitness to overlap. Which was why I had chosen my line of play. But looking at the coach, I understood that he was not interested in listening to what I had to say. It was naked authority denying my own.
I still felt a strong urge to protest my claim.
Then the dream ended.
When I woke up, I knew there was something incredibly relevant to my development and started exploring the implications of the dream.
The game of soccer represents a field where I am supposed to be able to freely play and express my existence. But even on such a field, my autonomy was denied, my existence subject to the demands of another.
The coach represented the symbol of naked authority that denies my own. In my father, it was when I was myself, and he punished me for being me. In my soccer coach, it was when I was a player and I was expected to simply follow his instructions. In life, it is the assumption that my existence is subject to the obligations and conventions of society.
My right to exist was denied by naked authority. Not earned authority, not the authority of reason or right, but sheer imposed authority top-down above.
I have finally reached the root of it - this is what i’ve been fighting and rebelling against the whole time. The suppression of me, my existence, my life-force.
It was me trying to insist -
I have a right to exist, man!
I want to live!
Part of me is still protesting. Part of me still cares.
I’m more ‘certain’, not absolutely certain.
The next step is to no longer care.
I am my own authority.
All that life-force spent approval-seeking, self-suppressing, appeasing and self-censoring in order to gain permission and legitimacy from the naked authority figure in my head.
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Now we know why men and women react the way they do.
Status-conscious men rely on the internalised authority figure for their sense of existence. The internalisation is made up of various symbols of their social context but all of which are externally derived.
Because they are not existentially certain, they rely on these symbols.
When I ignore the symbols, it denies their existence. Their psychic stability is based on the authority figure. When the authority figure is denied, the psyche is destabilised and must seek re-stabilisation either through challenge or withdrawal.
But for other men, my existential certainty gives them permission to embrace their own. We can existentially connect directly, unmediated and uninterrupted by the baggage of psychic architecture and status-signaling that is normally involved. They can be them, because I can be me, and we can be free.
For women, its even more extreme. Because women by nature are closer to Water and Yin, they recognise intuitively when to yield in their childhood to preserve their self-autonomy. The authority-figure is weaker and much quicker to yield.
Boys will fight a lot harder and recoil more severely from the blowback. So much so that they internalise the recoil and can no longer separate from their self-denial. Girls know when to retreat, and learn to calibrate their self-autonomy on a gradient instead of a binary. They are much more sensitive to nervous system cues, and more fluid in relaxing their defenses.
So when I am with existential certainty, women can immediately slide smoothly towards the gradient of ease.
As a child, you start off at the lowest rung of power. Smaller, weaker, can’t feed yourself. Materially, you are at your most vulnerable and uncertain. This means its very easy for a bigger authority figure to threaten your existence. And once uncertainty is traumatically imprinted, it continues to haunt you even as you grow up.
The Yin-path is the release of the past, the false self.
The Yang-movement is the development of your true existence.
Together,
God realises itself.
